by Jenny Schiltz
It has been said before that it is like we die a thousand deaths on this journey. This is one of the truest things I’ve heard. It matters not where you are on this path, because once you step foot on it consciously or unconsciously, parts of you begin to die. We leave behind all the bits and pieces of who we thought we were, the identities that we took on or were put on us, the parts of us and the people that do not resonate with whom we are becoming. These come off in layers, because I’m not so sure we could handle the truth of our being all at once. Sometimes the letting go is done forcefully as if the universe (you) is conspiring against you and other times the layer is so deep that your full participation is required. It has to be conscious letting go, deliberate stepping into the new.
Now more than ever we are being asked to not only let go but to really see the impact these ‘false selves’ have had on our lives. Where these selves held fear, lack, and at the same time how they provided the perfect canvas for us to experience exactly what we needed to for our growth. We are being shown our dysfunction and how deep it goes for none of this can stand in the higher light. It is the resistance to this letting go that creates such suffering in our lives.
I knew I had tapped into a new layer of self that needed to go. I had been working with it for a few days, feeling it out, understanding its voice and role. A few days ago I was headed to the hot springs as I needed the healing soak. I began again, tapping into this layer, really feeling the resistance that was there and found underneath was fear. This layer was afraid to go and was really wreaking havoc on my emotional body. I was anxious, cranky, feeling insecure… just yuck. The rhythm of the road and the radio blaring provided the perfect escape for me to explore and really hear and feel what was being expressed. I was grateful for the sharp mountain roads requiring my husband’s attention because if he had looked over and seen tears running down my face, I would have had to confess the existential crisis I was having. I then began a sincere, active dialog within myself.
Me: I need you to go, this needing to play small, and making myself small for another’s comfort, the fear of putting myself out there…. it doesn’t serve me any longer
Layer: What if when I leave you die too? You have children and a husband.
Me: Then it was meant to be. Their highest good would be served too. I trust that.
Layer: What if you change so much that your husband won’t want to be with you?
Me: This gave me pause and then I heard my higher self say – he has stood by you through every change and has loved seeing you, the you he always knew come out of the shadows.
Layer: I’m afraid
Me: I know, but you will be fine. Thank you for all you taught me. I am stepping forward now.
With that, I literally felt something leave my body. It was a huge shift and a release like nothing I have ever experienced. Then I felt peace, beautiful blessed, peace. The next time I caught my husband’s eye, I flashed him a smile. I was going to be alright, we were going to be alright and I felt such joy and excitement for what new is showing up in my life now that I released the old.
While that conversation was so clear, I began to remember more subtle ones I have had through the years. What if I lost everyone on this journey? What if they thought I was crazy? What if I am crazy? I remember the fears stripping away layer by layer. Some layers had stayed around causing me suffering for months before I was finally able to TRUST and let go. The releasing is faster now because my trust is greater and instead of fighting the release I express gratitude for its role and consciously step into the new. Being clear on my inner dialog, which we all have, has really helped. Slow down your thoughts, really hear them and don’t hesitate to speak your truth to those thoughts. I have found that there is a misguided belief within spirituality that to speak your fears, to name them gives them power or manifests them. I call BULL! I find that naming my fears helps me to really see them and show them compassion. Isn’t that what all of us want when we are scared? Compassion and understanding. Parts of us feel like they are dying and that the world around us will crumble as we embody more and more of who we truly are. The only way that this can be done gracefully is with conscious intent and deep love.
As we near an extremely powerful Equinox, you will find that the need to let all within you that is old, go. This is also being mirrored in the outer world with de-cluttering, job changes, moves, relationship changes, and even deaths. Some of our animal companions are also transitioning because their role is complete… they helped assist you by showing you true unconditional love. Now it is time to show that love to yourself.
Due to the vast changes that we all feel, even those not energy sensitive, I’m noticing that outside fears are on the rise. Stop, be still, and see if you are fearing something in front of you or far off. Many are disconnecting from social networks and the media for these reasons. The truth may be hard to discern but what isn’t is how your body reacts when you focus on these things. Do you feel anxious, scared, tired, and overwhelmed? Make no mistake, we feed things with our energy; we can either feed love and joy or we can feed fear and duality.
The separation of the frequencies is becoming more distinct, this has to happen so that we can easily see and feel the differences. The Equinox marks the beginning of the time when the frequencies are not only distinct but will begin to move away from each other. This is why there is such a great push at this time for all of us to be very conscious of our thoughts and emotions. We have to choose what we want to continue in our lives. Choose and consciously overwrite the old programming by stating your truth. Deeply imbedded programing will take consistent effort, but it’s worth it. It’s time for us to own exactly who we are with no apologies.
As we rewrite the programming, density leaves our form in sometimes unpleasant and explosive ways. Headaches can be common as well. During the process of grid removal, (more of an explanation here: http://jennyschiltz.com/connecting-to-the-new-grid/), feeling dizzy, nauseous and ungrounded is common. Also with the timelines dissolving and shifting it can feel like we are losing our minds. Things go missing and pop up someplace else. I have even been in a car and saw someone getting ready to T-bone us and as I braced, the car disappeared. All we can do is laugh and shake our heads.
With all of this activity, you may notice that your own intuition and abilities are increasing. It’s quite exciting. We are entering a whole new world of possibilities as we make the higher frequencies the dominate one in our form. There is no veil on the New Earth, the only veils that remain are within each of us and are determined by what we can handle and what experiences we have chosen for our continued growth. Now is a great time to journal so that you can look back and be amazed at how much has changed and how much has shown itself to you.
I hope that each of you are finding some peace within the chaos. As a healer I work with has said “May all things happen with ease and grace, ease and grace.” Sending you all love and strength.